Sometimes I Scare Myself

November 10, 2018

Sunset at 6:08

Prematurely I awake

Due to the unbearable lightness of day

Awoke erect and craving some strange

Morning meds slow dissolve in my cheek as I lay

Let it run its course so that sounds don’t turn into shapes

My heads the only place where I’m afraid

Inner demons invade my personal space

Family and friends concern tends to fade

When depression is permanent and no longer a stage

Scars from cutting, I’m not ashamed

05′ promised Alicia that I’d no longer self mutilate

Under a pseudonym, I could disappear with no trace

Ten minutes later,

Meds kicked so I won’t end it all today

Still consumed by disappointment and rage

Followed a silver lining that lead me astray

Downstairs to finish leftover coke on a plate

Now feeling like the master of my fate

Me and good times have recently been estranged

Message from the uber with a 8 minute eta

Head to the taproom before my high begins to fade

I’m possibly smiling but can’t feel my face

Vibrant joy from the speaker’s bass

With whiskey in hand, I head to the stage

So much sexiness in one place

There is always a thrill but rarely much chase

Mentality continuous Trey Songz, “Don’t Play”

A voluptuous married girl has already swung my way

All of the small talk was just for appearance sake

I suffer from Satryiasis, so I don’t discriminate

I do like them thin but prefer a woman with some weight

4 the night,

from the monotonous of marriage she wants to escape

And I use sex as an outlet to fuck my sadness away

Internally rationalize it as a fair exchange

then I close my eyes and pretend she’s Vanessa Jade